Forget about the pain, this is the Comrades

Time for a Comrades geography lesson! Last night after straggling home from my abysmally painful track workout (5 miles of 800m sprints in July is always a stupid idea, FYI), I cuddled up in bed with my laptop to watch The Long Run. The movie tells the story of a grizzled, veteran running coach who was never able to complete Comrades, but pins all his hopes on a new prodigy who has the raw running talent to be the top woman at Comrades . Okay, so the acting was meh and their depiction of distance runners occasionally left something to be desired, but the movie did me give a taste of what to expect from the race course.

Oh, and the hills. THE HILLS. As silly as it sounds, it's not the 56 miles that truly frightens me. If I run slow enough, I can chug along seemingly endlessly. No, it's the brutal, punishing, steep uphills that leave me feeling nauseated. Allow me to digress for a moment and give you the highlight reel of impossible hills we're going to be forced to climb (or crawl) up.

1. Cowies Hill: In The Long Run, Comrades is on a down year so the race concludes with the dreaded Cowie's. For us, this is the first major hill we tackle, but from all accounts it's the easiest - a gradual, winding slope. It still takes ~10km to get through, but compared to what comes next it's a cake-walk.
   
2. Fields Hill: A little ways after the half-marathon mark, you hit the first killer hill - Fields, which is practically a straight vertical ascent for 2km followed by a quick descent for 5km. I can hear my quads and knees crying already. There's no real rest for the weary for as soon as you think you've earned a respite, Botha's hits you with the next uphill.
   
3. Valley of a Thousand Hills: In Cry, the Beloved Country, Alan Paton wrote "There is a lovely road that runs from Ixopo into the hills. These hills are grass-covered and rolling, and they are lovely beyond any singing of it." Keeping my fingers crossed I'll be able to appreciate the beauty of the scenery, but around mile 40 when you hit Paton's landscape, I'll probably be more interested in throwing myself down a hill rather than admiring it.
   
4. Polly Shortts: Oh Polly, you sound so cute and harmless. False. Once you hit the "Little Pollys,"it's a grueling 20km climb to the finish line in Pietermaritzburg. Someone better be prepared to carry me up those hills.
   

I'm officially scared shitless. End story. Amby Burfoot, an accomplished American marathoner, once commented about Comrades that the "Up run is just one big piece of hard work. It keeps coming at you and coming and coming, and it never gives you a break. Never." Great. Good thing I'm a masochist? Burfoot finished his Up Comrades a few years ago, sneaking in under the 12 hour deadline with a nice 50 minutes to spare. My goal is less ambitious - a time of 11:59:59 will suit me just fine.